Anxiety, like a hive of buzzing bees, swirled around our mixedrace group one morning in February when we met together to share our experiences of race and racial inequity. Nine people, three Black and six white, gathered in a comfortable room around tables that enabled us to see each other’s faces.

We’d been meeting together monthly since September 2023 as part of a leadership program for recently retired folks interested in giving back to their communities. Our facilitator prepared us with guidelines for this kind of difficult conversation so we could speak freely and feel safe while remaining mindful of other people’s vulnerabilities.

The morning began with paired sharing of personal race-related events experienced or observed. Marquise, 28, the only younger member of our group who works for the leadership organization, joined us. He bravely went first. He shared his story of being targeted by police at his home on a hot summer evening in June 2023, after he and a friend had fixed his car brakes and then were relaxing and cooling off in his car. Police cars with lights blazing pulled up next to Marquise’s car. Marquise explained that he was in front of his own home and had just fixed his car. His license and registration were up-to-date, and he had an unblemished record.

Nevertheless, the cops ordered the two friends to step out of the car despite having done nothing wrong. They searched Marquise’s car and were about to impound it for no stated reason when the lone Black policeman spoke up persuasively in the friends’ defense. To Marquise’s relief, the cops drove off. But he was rattled, upset, and angry. And he still is.

When he told his story, Marquise teared up, as did many in our group. I thought how unlikely this racial profiling would ever happen to me as a white woman. I cannot imagine living as Marquise does, expecting that every time he drives to any destination, he may be pulled over without cause. My biggest driving worries range from whether I need gas in my tank to whether I will find my destination. The significance of white privilege has never been more apparent to me.

I am so grateful for Marquise’s courage to share such a deeply disturbing story with us. And for the realization that these injustices are commonplace in the lives of people of color. Not only in the past but even now.

In a follow-up conversation, Marquise shared his wish for how racism and racial inequity be addressed: “With honesty. It’s not a pleasant conversation for either Black or white people to have, nor is it an easy subject to broach. I would prefer that these inequities be acknowledged and then worked on, as no progress can be made when racist atrocities are hidden and ignored.”

Let’s do as Marquise suggests and learn to speak to each other with respect, careful listening, and compassion. And let’s speak out when harmful words are spoken.

Share your stories about race and racial inequity with The Westfield Leader and Union County HAWK by writing “Gratitude” in the subject line and emailing press@goleader.com or pattisteckler@gmail.com.